A Repeatedly Abandoned Building (insafemode) wrote in 2_much_sex_info,
A Repeatedly Abandoned Building

The Power of Porn Talk

As has already been established, the worst thing someone anyone ever said to me in bed was "You're better than my brother." Runner-ups include "Penetrate me", "You want my ass, don't you?", "Spank me, Daddy", and "It burns". Ok, I am fairly certain that "it burns" wasn't supposed to sound sexy, but the rest clearly were.

During a particularly unmemorable (which I guess wouldn't make it particular) hook-up with The Experience Junkie, he slapped my ass and said "Oh, you like that don't you." Well, up until he put on the faux-sultry voice to ask for my approval, I had. But once he arched his eyebrow into that expression that only Leonard Nimoy and The Rock dare take out of the bedroom, it was all I could do not to go into full sarcastic dirty talk mode.

Elvis was the king apprentice of dirty talk. He was always asking for approval, calling me various members of his family, and oohing and ahhing like the background vocals for an early 1990's Madonna track. Don't get me wrong, I love hearing ooohing and ahhing going on, provided it's honest. And while I'm not going to hook my fuckee/fucker up to a lie detector, I tend to have a pretty good ear for when someone is impersonating something from a mid-80's porno.

The most honest sounding man I've ever slept with was deaf. He moaned in a rhythm that would make a metronome jealous. He also never referred to me as his kin, or went into boring detail about what he did and didn't like. He could have, I was near fluent in ASL, but he felt it was better to communicate by eye contact and the occasional wrist grab when we weren't face to face. A simple squeeze on a pressure point is a much more concise way to point out that you not ready to be on the receiving end of a fuck than "Not yet, baby, why don't you polish my pearl a little more first." A statement, which, now that I think about it, should have been THE runner up of the worst thing anyone said to me in bed (or on the living room floor, in this case). I mean, that sort of makes sense in a hetero relationship, what with the similarities between cunt and clam (they both have four letter and start with a c), but a guy's asshole has nearly nothing in common with a clam. Unless, of course, he's been sitting naked on a beach somewhere, or he swallowed one of his mother's necklaces.

I often wonder where the lexicon of bad porn talk was born. I don't have much experience with pre-80's porn, and by then phrases like "Oh Daddy, fuck me harder, daddy, yes, I love it when you fuck me daddy" were pretty commonplace. Was there some boom of incest porn in the 70's that 80's pornographers were satirizing, or is there more than a fetish community's worth of people who like to imagine they're fucking their offspring? Personally, everytime I hear someone call me Daddy, I begin to calculate how much I'd owe their mother in back child support.
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